<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>My Best Friend's Wedding by jellybeanforest</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28414362">My Best Friend's Wedding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest'>jellybeanforest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bachelor Party, Cap-Ironman Bingo, Captain America is Steve's stripper name, Frottage, Getting Together, Lapdance, M/M, Minor Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Minor Joanna Nivena/Tony Stark, Minor Pepper Potts/Happy Hogan, No Smut, Reluctant Groom Tony Stark, So Many Issues I Could Start A Subscription, Stripper Steve Rogers, Striptease-enabled Therapy, Trapped in the Closet, strip club, what happens in vegas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:53:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28414362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard Stark pressures his son to marry the daughter of a fellow industrialist, socialite and heiress Joanna Nivena. Tony reluctantly agrees, but his best friend, Rhodey, disapproves because:</p>
<p>A: Tony isn’t a pawn in his father’s business plans, and<br/>B: Tony is gay.</p>
<p>He is not about to let Tony make the biggest mistake of his life. So, Rhodey takes him to Las Vegas for his bachelor party and hires the first male stripper Tony shows any interest in for a private dance in the back rooms. </p>
<p>For the Cap-IronMan Bingo 2020 Round 2 – So Many Issues I Could Start A Subscription.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Captain America/Iron Man Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sabotage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic takes place circa 1995 when the internet was new and Tony was younger (around 25). Howard didn’t die in 1991, and he still has more of a hold on Tony’s life, forcing him to give up his playboy lifestyle after grad school. In the 90s, before Grindr, there were chatrooms dedicated to gay men and gay bars, but Tony is way more discrete about his sexuality, only doing anonymous hookups with no long-term relationships. He “dated” a series of women, but these were beards. Only a select few know he’s gay, including his best friend Rhodey and Rhodey’s girlfriend, Carol. Pepper thinks he’s bi, because she’s aware he likes men, but she doesn’t know he exclusively likes men.</p>
<p>Joanna Nivena is Tony’s first fiancée from the comics. He breaks up with her with no explanation after he receives a permanent chest plate for his heart because he doesn’t believe he can be a good husband for her. She marries someone else and has many children.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rhodey plots to stop his best friend’s wedding.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is from Rhodey’s POV.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s hard to watch, Rhodey thinks as he observes the façade of soon-to-be-wedded bliss play out before him.</p><p>“What do you think about peonies? I was thinking we could have a mix of blush and pink with some white English roses and greenery?” Joanna Nivena, heir to the Nivena Electronics fortune, is saying as she holds up the latest wedding look book to her fiancé. “I saw them at the last bridal exhibition. It’s very in these days. Peonies.”</p><p>Tony’s smile reaches his eyes, but it’s a touch tight at the corners, and his jaw is slightly strained. If one didn’t know him very well, one wouldn’t recognize it as the grimace it is. “Only the best for my beautiful bride,” he replies, his tone light, practiced in the way of a man who has had to hide everything about himself to fit in with his father’s industry cronies.</p><p>Jo lays the magazine on top of the pile of thirteen nearly-identical catalogues, then leans over to give him a peck on the cheek. “You spoil me, Sprocket.”</p><p>It’s an apt pet name for a cog in the machinery that is the Stark legacy, but that will never be Tony, should never be.</p><p>Not if Rhodey has anything to say about it.</p><p>It isn’t anything against Joanna really. Rhodey found her sweet, if a bit young and naïve, a Lady Di to Tony’s Prince Charles… if Camilla happened to be half the gay male population on menonthenet.com in a two-hour radius. Of course, Tony quit that chatroom as well as the occasional gay bar when Howard had pressured him into the match a year prior. He and Joanna were even waiting until their wedding night to consummate their relationship (much to Tony’s relief), but Rhodey knew his best friend. The man would never be happy with Jo or any woman for that matter. It is only a matter of time before the whole charade fell apart, leaving them both bitter and resentful of the time they had wasted on a marriage that had been doomed from the start.</p><p>Rhodey can’t let that happen to Tony. Or his unwitting fiancé.</p><p>They part ways after the florist, with Jo going to an endless mimosa brunch with her bridesmaids, leaving the men to catch up on their way to a nearby lunch spot where they can discuss the details of Tony’s upcoming bachelor party.</p><p>“Hey, man. Excited for this weekend? Last… well, not exactly your very last night of freedom, but it’s your last trip with the crew as a free man,” Rhodey says as they approach Tony’s car chauffeured by Happy Hogan.</p><p>“You make it sound like I’m going to prison.”</p><p>
  <em>Or escaping one.</em>
</p><p>He chuckles. “If I planned this right, then you might be flirting with the line of legality,” he promises, sliding in after Tony.</p><p>Tony gives him a look. “…No hookers. I promised Jo.”</p><p>“Jesus, Tones. What do you take me for?” That’s one idea crossed off the list. “What’s her position on strippers?”</p><p>“Acceptable, as long as they aren’t fully nude and riding my dick.”</p><p>“Crude.”</p><p>“I’m paraphrasing. Strippers are fine. Though um…” Tony hesitates, not quite looking Rhodey in the eye. He’s been doing that a lot lately, the closer it got to the wedding date. It unnerved Rhodey, to see his friend so unmoored. “She’s– well, she’s coming with us. Not to the actual bachelor party, mind you, but to Vegas. She’s going out with her friends, and it <em>is</em> the last three-day weekend before the big event.”</p><p>That might be a hitch in his plans, but Rhodey can work around it. He’s flexible. “Okay, whatever man. We’ll be in different clubs, so it’s not an issue.” He mentally strikes off any clubs with an exclusively male set of entertainers.</p><p>“Who’s going anyway?”</p><p>“The usual suspects: Happy,” he points to the dark divider separating the back from the front cab, “Pepper, and that cute redhead you hired as Pepper’s assistant.”</p><p>“Nat?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>What did it say about Tony’s social life that all his friends, save Rhodey himself, are his employees?</p><p>“Sounds like a party.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rhodey had already packed, but he goes over the contents of his suitcase one final time, making sure he is prepared for every possible occurrence. He tucks a small zippered bag containing four vials of Mexican antivenom into his first aid kit, because… hey, it’s Vegas and Tony. You never know what you’ll need.</p><p>“Do you think really that’s necessary?”</p><p>Rhodey looks over his shoulder as Carol approaches and weaves her arms under his to clasp around his midsection. She looks down at his compartmentalized belongings, packed neat and orderly to an almost military precision.</p><p>“You weren’t around for Tony’s graduation party. Trust me. It’s necessary.” Rhodey zips up his bag.</p><p>Carol rolls her chin on his shoulder to look at him. “He’s still going through with it?”</p><p>“For now, but I’ll try my best to convince him otherwise, and if all else fails… hey, did that Batroc the Leaper guy break out of prison yet? You think he’s looking for a job?”</p><p>“Batroc is terrible at undercover work – he’s way too dramatic – and besides, I don’t think he’s Tony’s type. It would never work.”</p><p>“I wasn’t thinking seduction, but maybe I could hire him to kidnap Tony.”</p><p>The dollar <em>is</em> still performing well against the franc, right?</p><p>Carol gives him a disapproving look.</p><p>“What?” Rhodey says defensively. “It’s for a good cause, well within his bizarre code of honor. He’d be doing Tony a favor, and I don’t know… something-something about l’amour.”</p><p>She laughs at the suggestion. “Right, Batroc is going to kidnap Tony Stark to save his fiancé from the inevitable heartbreak of marrying a gay man.”</p><p>“I like how you think. Let’s go with that. The man’s a mercenary, but he’ll like the chivalry angle.”</p><p>Carol gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Have fun, babe. Don’t get into too much trouble.”</p><p>“I won’t.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rhodey had known Tony for nearly a decade, back when they both attended the MIT School of Engineering. Tony had been a celebrated child prodigy, famous since infancy (more for his family and money than his intellect) and already well-aware of the need to present a certain air of success and competence. By contrast, Rhodey had grown up in Philly in an area where being black and something of an egghead wasn’t strictly acceptable, but he had persevered, worked hard, and won an early scholarship to MIT, matriculating shortly after his seventeenth birthday. He’s still not sure how he and Tony fallen together, but it likely had something to do with both of them being younger than everyone else and in the same program.</p><p>They got along well, collaborated on projects during the day and snuck off to parties at night (where it was dark and their ages may not be as readily apparent). Over the years, Rhodey had noticed that though Tony flirted with everyone, he only ever (and very, very discretely) disappeared with other guys, and so by the time Tony came out to him, all twitchy and nervous, Rhodey hadn’t been too surprised. It didn’t change anything between them. Tony is his best friend after all; what did it matter where he liked to stick his dick?</p><p>It mattered now that Howard was pressuring him to marry Joanna.</p><p>And as Tony’s best man, Rhodey can’t in good conscience let him go through with it.</p><p>And so, on their first night in Vegas, he suggests a slightly unconventional venue for their celebrations.</p><p>“Rhodey,” Tony says when they enter, his voice tight. “There are male strippers here.”</p><p>“And female,” Rhodey points out, waving a hand towards the left main stage where a topless woman is spinning around the pole. Tony had somehow missed her presence, far too busy ogling the few scantily-clad men milling about the crowd in the room to the right. “We’re a coed party. I thought I’d get something for the ladies to appreciate as well.”</p><p>“This works.” Nat is already pushing past Tony, following the host to a table near the main stage in the room on the right.</p><p>“If you’re uncomfortable here, we could always split up and meet back at the end of the night,” Pepper suggests, just as the DJ calls the next male dancer – a blond man going by the name ‘Captain America’ – to the stage.</p><p>Tony stares, bites his lip. “Okay, maybe one or two dances and then me, Happy, and Rhodey will go over to the other side,” he looks over at Rhodey, even as his eyes flit back to the stage and the man’s toned ass sliding flush against the pole.</p><p>“That’s okay; I’ll stay with Pepper,” Happy says, eyeing the physique of the male strippers with some trepidation, as if worried about how he stacked up against men who likely subsisted on boiled tofu and raw broccoli in addition to working out five hours a day. He turns to his wife. “You know how much I love you, right?”</p><p>That’s one potential obstacle down.</p><p>Tony nudges Rhodey. “What do you say, honey bear? You want to maybe keep the ladies company for ten minutes before we part ways? I bet the uh… <em>cock</em>tails are better on their side.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rhodey isn’t gay, but he could admit that this Captain America fellow displayed a certain level of athleticism even he could appreciate. The fluid way he slid up the pole, flipped, then spun around with his legs spread in a V-formation, slowing as he curled a leg around the pole before gracefully dismounting into the next part of his set… it took more than a little skill, and it was clearly doing something for the others, especially Tony. He thinks he even sees Tony slip a $100 bill in the man’s skimpy G-string amongst all the ones and fives already spilling out the sides.</p><p>Jackpot.</p><p>Rhodey orders another round of martinis from the waiter then makes his excuses, saying he needs to use the restroom. He veers off that path almost immediately to approach Captain America.</p><p>He tries to keep his eyes above the man’s neck, but it’s hard to ignore his near-nudity, his rippling muscles, and… Is that baby oil making his skin glisten like that? Tony does have a type.</p><p>“Hey man, uh… great set. I was wondering if you do private dances?” Rhodey asks before quickly amending. “Not for me, but for my friend.” He looks back at Tony who is now talking to Nat as they prepare to call out the next stripper. “The guy in the suit between the redheads.”</p><p>“It’s $80 for three dances in the VIP rooms.”</p><p>“Great.” Rhodey peels off eight twenties. Having this guy grind up on his boy should remind Tony how much he’s giving up by getting hitched to a woman. “I’ll take six. He’s kind of shy, so… if you could maybe wait here and I’ll go get him, yeah?”</p><p>Captain America accepts the cash, folding it up to add to a stack of bills secured to a hair tie with a rubber band on his wrist. “Alright.”</p><p>Rhodey saunters over to collect Tony with a discreet “You ready to go, Tones?”</p><p>Tony looks mournfully towards the stage where the stripper currently on stage has torn off his breakaway pants. He tosses a twenty his way, which the man collects with a wink, securing it between his fingers in such a way so as to not interfere with his pole work.</p><p>He perks up when instead of heading to the other side of the club featuring female strippers, Rhodey leads him to the back rooms where Captain America is waiting.</p><p>He pats him on the shoulder, pushing him forward. “Enjoy.”</p><p>Rhodey has done what he could. Tony’s fate is out his hands now and rests in the skin-tight, star-spangled thong of Captain America.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Breakaway</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Captain America gives Tony a private dance.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is from Tony’s POV.</p><p>White caviar is the roe of the albino sturgeon, which is almost extinct in its native habitat and may take up to 20 years to reach sexual maturity. The best roe come from the oldest fish (up to 100 years old). In the Guinness World Records, the most expensive caviar is from an aged albino beluga sturgeon whose white caviar sells for ~$34,500 per kilo.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What’s your name?” Captain America asks him once Tony is seated on one of the plush benches, his legs spread.</p><p>“Tony.”</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you, Tony. I’m Grant.”</p><p>Tony takes a sip of his scotch as he leans back into the cushion. “I thought your name was Captain America.”</p><p>“That’s my stage name. Back here, I’m Grant.”</p><p>That’s probably not even his real name, but Tony’s not about to call him on it. “Mind if I call you Cap?” he asks instead.</p><p>Cap hums, his eyes locked on his Tony’s as he kneels down and extends his hands out, slipping his hands up and down Tony’s forearm in invitation. “You like military boys, Tony?”</p><p>When Tony doesn’t pull away, Cap tips forward, his hand glancing over his inner thigh as he deftly maneuvers into Tony’s lap, his arms gliding over Tony’s shoulder and to encircle behind his neck.</p><p>The music filters in, something sensuous Tony doesn’t quite recognize. It washes over them, the smooth beats and slippery voice. Cap undulates in tight body rolls, pressing against Tony’s body in waves. Tony can feel the pleasing form of his muscles, firm against his body in all the right places. His large pecs and toned ass gyrating on him, the dick firm against his stomach. He even smells nice, all musky and male and everything Tony can’t have.</p><p>“I’m getting married in two weeks,” Tony says abruptly.</p><p>This information doesn’t faze Cap. “Congratulations.” He slides off his lap, touches his opposite elbow then spins until his head is resting against Tony’s chest, his legs braced on the ground and back arched. He looks up at Tony as his legs spread and bow back together in a smooth motion, his hips humping air as he touches himself.</p><p>“To a woman,” Tony clarifies.</p><p>Cap stops, nearly falls over, but compensates, placing a knee down and rolling his body up to a kneeling position, his elbow planted on his thigh. He looks over his shoulder and gives Tony an unreadable expression.  “Did your friend hire me as a joke?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Cap stands, drops onto an adjacent bench. “Sometimes guys hire one of the male strippers to make the guest of honor squirm, but if you’re not into it, I could get someone else in here. I think Coco might be available or Misty if you’d prefer.”</p><p>“No, no… this is fine,” Tony rushes to assure him. “You’re fine. More than, actually. Rhodey knows what I like.”</p><p>The man must find the answer acceptable. “Okay then,” he says, approaching Tony to plant a hand on either side of his thighs and nearly rolls his upper body over Tony’s knees, while thrusting his hips to the beat, as he makes his way back into Tony’s lap.</p><p>By the end of the first song, Tony has managed to keep his hands to himself, but he’s hard. Neither of them is particularly embarrassed about it. It just is.</p><p>“I’ve never been on a date with a man before – fucked, yes – but I’ve never really dated one. Just women,” Tony confesses. He’s not exactly sure why he’s telling Cap this. This is just a business transaction. They’re not friends; he barely knows the man’s name, but maybe there’s something freeing in that, in Cap being a stranger. Well, that and the booze.</p><p>The next song has started, but Cap takes a seat, supposing (correctly) that Tony would rather talk.</p><p>“That’s very common among bisexual men,” he replies, his tone neutral, lacking a judgmental edge. He accepts the scotch Tony pours for him but doesn’t imbibe. “Sometimes being with women is easier. There are more of them willing to date men than men willing to do the same.”</p><p>Tony downs his glass. “It’s also easier from… well, from a societal point of view. Being with a woman is expected. Celebrated even.”</p><p>“There’s that as well.”</p><p>“Jo – that’s my fiancé – she’s kind, you know, respectable, with an incredible pedigree.”</p><p>Tony must have said something wrong because Cap’s face screws up before he manages to school his features into something placid and agreeable. His business face. “She sounds nice.”</p><p>God, it sounds like Tony is describing a show dog, doesn’t it?</p><p>“Oh, she is,” he agrees, trying to clarify his meaning. “Very nice and put together. The kind of woman you can be proud to have hanging off your arm at a gala or charity function. That’s why Howard picked her.”</p><p>“Howard?”</p><p>“My father,” Tony divulges, pouring himself another drink. He wonders if he’ll need the entire bottle for this conversation. “This wedding… it’s all his idea. Thinks it’s high time I settled down, and he picked a very sweet, very kind ball and chain to ground me.”</p><p>Cap swirls his own glass, staring at the dark surface. “You don’t love her?”</p><p>“Jo’s great. Couldn’t ask for a better wife.”</p><p>“But you still don’t love her the way you should.”</p><p>No, he doesn’t.</p><p>Tony is quiet for a beat, then: “She deserves better. She deserves a man who can love and appreciate her in ways I can’t.”</p><p>“It seems it would be kinder to let her find that man.”</p><p>“You don’t understand. Howard–”</p><p>“Your father isn’t the one marrying her,” Cap interjects, rather bluntly.</p><p>Tony is stunned into silence, his Adam’s apple working in his throat.</p><p>Cap seems surprised at himself. He puts down his scotch, still untouched. “Sorry, that was a bit direct. I’m much better at lap dances than…” he waves his hand between the two of them to indicate the whole therapist in a G-string shtick. “B– my friend says I’d make more tips if I learned to shut my trap now and then.”</p><p>“…No, you’re right,” Tony finally replies.</p><p>Cap is nonplussed. “I am?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m not being fair to her, but she’s been looking forward to this, and I’m trying hard to be a good man for her. I really am.” He had barely looked at another man in the last six months, present company excluded. He did care for his fiancé, and he may even grow to love her in time. He had thought that if he just kept busy, if he could put his attraction to men from his mind, then maybe he could come to appreciate Jo for who she was (rather than be disappointed in what she wasn’t).</p><p>The opening notes of the next song start up, so Cap asks, “Would you like another lap dance?”</p><p>“Sure,” Tony replies, a touch defeated.</p><p>Cap takes Tony’s hands, placing them on his trim waist. “You can touch whatever isn’t covered, sweetheart,” he says as he gyrates in Tony’s lap, his muscles firm, slow and controlled against Tony’s body.</p><p>It had been a long time since Tony had been with a man. He had excised that part of himself, or at least ignored it as much as he could, and dedicated himself to being the best husband for Jo. His hands travel up, over Cap’s broad chest to concentrate on his perky nipples. They pebble under his touch, and Tony suppresses the urge to bite them. The last thing he needs is to be bounced ignominiously from the club by a big guy named Bruno.</p><p>But Tony wants. He wants what he can’t have, and that has always been the problem. In his deepest fantasies, he can see himself hovering over a man like Cap, pressing into that writhing body. Sloppy kisses, skin fluttery and slick with sweat as they move together, the musk of desire thick and heady and overwhelming. He barely knows the stripper in his lap, but he would rather be with him than… well, any woman really.</p><p>And that will always be the problem, as long as he carries on this charade.</p><p>At the end of the night, Tony tips Cap $500 and returns to his party.</p><p>Rhodey is drunk and unsteady, his arm slung around Tony as Tony sees the man to his door, having already dropped the others off down the hall. “You ‘ave fun with the good Cap’n?”</p><p>“Yeah, he was pretty talented.”</p><p>“And pretty! You gonna marry ‘im instead?”</p><p>“No, I don’t think so.”</p><p>Rhodey mumbles unhappily as he slurs his words into incomprehensible gibberish, rambling on about Batman coming to save the day.</p><p>“Yeah, okay, here we are,” Tony says, sliding the card over the reader and depositing Rhodey on the bed inside.</p><p>“I’m tellin’ you. He’s comin’ to save you.”</p><p>“Sure he is, buddy.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tony is sitting on their bed in the honeymoon suite, hands folded in his lap, when Jo comes in at 3AM, wearing light-pink packable ballet flats and her fingers hooked into her three inch heels. Her hair is up in a messy end-of-the-night bun with a cheap veil clipped in, and her white “Bride” sash is askew. There might even be a little martini spilled over the edge of her white dress. She looks less put-together and more human than he has ever seen her.</p><p>“Good evening, Sprocket, or should I say good night? Morning? Doesn’t matter.” She staggers over to him, nearly tripping to fall on her back beside him on the bed. She stares up at the ceiling, a touch dazed. “Did you have a good night?” she asks, toeing off her shoes and flipping them away.</p><p>“Yeah,” he replies. “Yourself?”</p><p>“It was marvelous. We went dancing, had a right grand time.” She cants her head to look at him – really look at him – and squints. “Is something the matter?”</p><p>“No,” he lies.</p><p>“Good.” She catapults off the bed, rifling through the closet to find the hotel-issued fluffy bathrobe and a couple towels. “There was a little hiccup, just a tiny major issue about the wedding. This evening, I–”</p><p>Tony can’t do this anymore. He just can’t.</p><p>“Actually… Jo, we need to talk.”</p><p>“Yes, we do,” she agrees. She’s still flitting about the suite, pulling out her designer shampoo and conditioner from her suitcase. “I got an emergency call from the caterers today. They’re having trouble sourcing that much white caviar for the canapés, and I was thinking we could substitute–”</p><p>Tony’s fists tighten; he stands. “I can’t be the man you need. I’m sorry, Jo. I really am.”</p><p>Jo stops. She immediately takes a seat on the nearest settee, her arms holding the bundle of towels tight to her chest and eyes already filling with tears.</p><p>Tony hadn’t been lying to Cap. He does care for Jo in his own way. And this? This is the hardest thing Tony has ever done.</p><p>“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tony is back at the strip club the following night.</p><p>Alone.</p><p>“Hey sweetheart,” Cap says as he approaches. “Back for another dance?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony flips out a stack of crisp hundred dollar bills. “I thought I could buy the whole night.”</p><p>Cap looks at the money, wanting but skeptical. “All that for a few dances?”</p><p>“I enjoyed myself last night, so I was thinking I could pay you what your time is worth.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They end up in the VIP rooms with a couple bottles of champagne that Cap pops with practiced ease, pouring out a glass for himself and Tony.</p><p>“Are we celebrating something tonight?”</p><p>Tony considers it. “It’s my coming out party.”</p><p>“And only you and me to celebrate?” Cap takes a sip from his flute. “Aren’t I a special fella?”</p><p>Tony holds his own flute, tapping his index against the glass. It’s fake crystal, nothing that he is used to, and doesn’t have the same shine, the same feel as the good stuff, but he supposes in a place like this, they can’t really afford the constant turnover in glassware due to drunk patrons. “I was thinking… would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?” he finally asks.</p><p>“You could always come back and see me here, Tony.” Cap gives him a playful wink.</p><p>“I mean… I’d like to get to know you better. Outside. Possibly with our clothes on, but I’m open to seeing where the night takes us from there.”</p><p>“I appreciate the offer, but I work late nights as you can imagine.”</p><p>Tony persists. “Perhaps lunch–”</p><p>Cap drops the act. He sighs and steeples his fingers against his temple. “Look, you seem like a smart guy, so I’m going to tell it to you straight. People come in here all the time and try to ask one of us out. They know they’re buying someone’s time and interest – all this, it’s a fantasy, but it’s an honest one at least – and somehow, they still end up convincing themselves it’s real, but I’m just a regular guy trying to make ends meet, okay? I’m not here to save you from the conventional life you don’t want with your future wife. I’m not some side piece you see on business trips or whatever you’re proposing,” he says, emphasizing, “I don’t date married men.”</p><p>“I called off the wedding–”</p><p>Cap crosses his arms. “Or men on a break from their primary partners while they ‘find themselves’ in between the legs of someone else.” By his sarcastic tone, Tony can tell he has already been through that loophole rodeo and has the G-string to prove it.</p><p>“I told her it’s over. For good. Clean break,” he states. “You can read about it in the papers if you don’t believe me. I know who I am, and who I am is not capable of making her happy the way she should be.”</p><p>Cap raises a brow. “…And as a general rule, I don’t date customers,” he adds.</p><p>Tony’s face falls. “I understand.” He leans forward, places his elbows on his knees and balances his flute with both hands in between.</p><p>“But I could make an exception, just this once,” Cap allows, “because I happen to think you’re kind of cute, and you’ve been sweet and respectful so far.”</p><p>Tony perks up. “When’s your shift over, Grant?”</p><p>“4AM, but I’m free tomorrow, and the name’s Steve by the way. Grant is my stage name.”</p><p>“Thank you, Steve, for giving me a chance.”</p><p>Steve sets his flute down on the center table. “Now, would you like that dance?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’ve read a lot of accounts from strippers, and many of them said that while a lot of their customers are disrespectful and crude, many are just there to get lap dances and talk about their problems (some are widows, or going through a divorce, or worried about their kids not doing well in school). That’s sort of the inspiration behind this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Coda</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rhodey forgets one small but very important detail.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is from Rhodey’s POV.</p><p>Facetime is older than you think. In 1992-1995, AT&amp;T marketed a VideoPhone 2500 (starting at $1,500 or $2,730 in current dollars). It was very slow (max 10 frames per second, but as low as a third of a frame per second), and was basically a landline desk phone with a tiny pop-up video camera. Tony has one and got one for Rhodey, so they can communicate better, but the connection is very slow.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony and Joanna’s broken engagement had dominated society pages for the past week and a half since the news broke, causing quite a stir amongst the buttoned-up set. There were salacious rumors of cheating, of raging fights and domestic abuse. To quell them, the two had presented a united front, simply stating that upon further reflection, they had found themselves mismatched as a couple and ill suited for matrimony to each other. They ran in the same social circles and still intended to remain friends, a vow that seemed like more than just a way to save face. They were cordial – warm even – when they socialized in public.</p><p>For his part, Howard had been incensed. He had been so frothing mad, Tony had even opted to stay with Rhodey and Carol for a spell to weather the storm of his father’s ire. Rhodey supposes Howard will come around, and even if he didn’t… well, at least Tony is a free man. At least he has a chance to be happy.</p><p>It is for the best.</p><p>Strangely enough, Tony still made frequent trips to Vegas; twice since they returned, even staying for multiple days the second time. He had explained it away as a business meeting, and then a tech conference, which wouldn’t have been particularly suspicious except for the fact that CES was for consumer electronics, not weapons and defense. Rhodey had his suspicions, which weren’t confirmed until the third such trip when Tony had called him from his videophone to confess: “I’ve been seeing someone” –a pause– “A man.”</p><p>“That’s great news, Tony,” Rhodey had replied, smiling wide. “I’m happy for you.” And he was. Tony had had a certain spring in his step, now that the specter of his upcoming wedding had dissipated.</p><p>“It’s our fifth date. I’m thinking of asking him to come with me to Monaco,” Tony says. “Do you think that’s too fast? That’s really fast, isn’t it? Do you think I should start smaller, like Maui?” His lips don’t quite match his words, the video connection being spotty at best. The picture jumps and Rhodey sees up his nose momentarily before it cuts to the next still frame of Tony with his hand over his face, frozen as he rakes his hair back. He had told Tony the phone was a waste of money, especially since no one Tony would like to call had one. In response, Tony had purchased two and given him the second one.</p><p>“When do I get to meet him?”</p><p>Tony’s face on the video feed is still a smile even as his voice becomes cagey. “Well, you sort of did already.”</p><p>“Is it Ben from accounting?” Rhodey is 85% sure the man is gay. He dresses way too fashionably to be otherwise.</p><p>“Ben? No… Ben’s straight.”</p><p>
  <em>So much for that theory.</em>
</p><p>“It’s… oh, that’s probably him. I’ll reintroduce you two again.” The picture blinks out and Rhodey can see Tony at the far end of the bed on his way to the door.</p><p>He waits for the picture to advance when he hears a crash and kerfuffle on the other end.</p><p>“Tony!”</p><p>“Who the f–” Tony is yelling before he’s muffled.</p><p>“Tony! Tony, are you okay?!” Rhodey is on his feet, staring at the screen as it cuts again to show a man wearing a gold ski mask and a garish, fitted purple and gold tracksuit restraining Tony, a bag over his head and arms held behind his back.</p><p>The abductor looks like…</p><p>
  <em>Fuck!</em>
</p><p>Rhodey hadn’t done it, had he? Granted, he didn’t remember the night of Tony’s bachelor party very well, but there’s no way he actually–</p><p>“Mon dieu! Cease zee struggling!”</p><p>Yep. That is definitely Batroc, which meant this one was on him.</p><p>Rhodey whips out his cell phone, quickly scrolling through his call history for Batroc’s number to page him and call off the kidnapping.</p><p>Tony was going to be so pissed, but then again, Rhodey still had a get-out-of-jail free card. Perhaps this whole fiasco cancelled out Tony’s blunder in Amsterdam.</p><p>“What the–”</p><p>Rhodey looks up to see… is that the stripper from Tony’s bachelor party now tackling Batroc?</p><p>…Maybe Tony will accept an edible arrangement of chocolate panties and flavored lube in recompense? In addition to cancelling out Rhodey’s free passes collected over their years of friendship, of course.</p><p>One thing is certain: He and Tony were going to have a long, LONG talk after this is over.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>